So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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