He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
