I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
