Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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