You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
