What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Watching her eat just hurts me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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