So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
