He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
