I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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