I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
