Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
