Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They have beer where we have blood.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
