Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
