Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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