i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
