and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
