My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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