Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
