Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
