I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
