Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
