I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
