you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
