I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
