So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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