he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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