I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
