ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
