please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
