I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
