Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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