Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you still have your period?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
