This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
