come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
