Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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