This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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