just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
