I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
