please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
