Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
