i barfeds in our rink
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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