That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
