If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
