i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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