just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
