My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
