did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
