I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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