my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
