Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
