Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
