shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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