from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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