i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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