i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I believe in your delicious
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
