My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
