Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
