summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
