No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
